Friday, 15 April 2011

M is for Marriage & Mortgages

There are two things in life right now that feel like huge commitments and scary propositions for me.

The first? Marriage.

Why does it feel so daunting? Ok well I know how much I would like it to happen at some point, I just have simply no idea what makes a person feel 'ready'.

The second thing is mortgages.

Again this feels like a totally positive step up in the world and a great achievement – but it also feels like a huge responsibility, or as some might put it, a life sentence!

So why do future decisions feel so scary?

In part I think we've set ourselves up for a fall: we talk about 'responsibility’ as a chore and a burden rather than the freeing opportunity that it could potentially be.

We talk about responsibility from an early age in connection to chores, tasks and necessary evils. Rarely do we appreciate the positive side of taking on something big and something permanent.

But marriage means a life-long connection, a promise to look after one another in the face of anything and a public display of commitment and happiness.

Mortgages bring similar benefits; a powerful independence, a commercial focus for the future in the assets you have to offer, as well as the complete excitement of having your own wonderful home to add your individual splash of colour and life to.

Psychologists talk about the positive effects of reframing. Which means reinterpreting an event as something within your control and entirely possible.  What does that mean in practice? It would mean looking at marriage and mortgages as the Start not the End of a life full of possibility. It means turning around a situation that could feel scary and overwhelming, and instead finding all the benefits that will result from a successful situation. 

Wherever you are in your life and no matter what stage you are at, if you’re starting to get cold feet, feel frightened or back away, reframe how you see the situation to find the positives. 

Remember that you are in complete control of your emotional reactions, if not of what actually happens. Use your control to make the best of any issue and thrive under stressful situations. 

Are you ready for responsibility? How does that feel?

And when do you begin to take responsibility for the world at large not just your own personal situation?

Is it time to start today?

1 comment:

  1. Interesting point. Those are two major life decisions. I also like the laughing baby cute.